2012 In Review

Thank you for being a part of a wonderful year for It's All About The Bride. My goal has always been to provide practical, informative, and hopefully, entertaining insights through this blog for Brides, Wedding Planners, and others within the wedding industry. It is my sincerest hope and prayer that in some small way I have achieved my goal AND that those who follow this blog will continue to do so in the New Year.

Until then, feel free to catch up or revisit any of the blog articles from 2012 (see links below),

Family Matters

Some brides are struggling with a duality of emotions when it comes to involving family in their wedding plans. It’s a fine line between help and “hindrance” when it’s time to make important decisions with family input. Recently, I learned from several brides that they do want some level of family involvement. Most thought “from a distance” was the best way they could MANAGE their participation. But, what I found even more interesting was a totally different “family” concern.

Many were really concerned whether the actual wedding date/time/location would be comfortable AND convenient for their relatives. They also brought up issues related to the venue location, hotel accommodations, and ease and/or expense of travel for out-of-town family/guest.

Brides have a right to be concerned. While it’s your day, your family is still an important part of what makes your wedding day so special. So, here are just a few things to consider:

A Fly on the Wall

A week ago today, I attended a bridal panel event held by the Triangle Bridal Association (TBA) at the Cardinal Club in Raleigh, NC. While I am not a current member, I sent a request to the coordinators of the event to participate as “a fly on the wall.” TBA graciously agreed to allow me to come, and while the location was a few hours away (in the middle of the week), I pressed my way because I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to hear directly from the decision makers – the brides – regarding some of their current issues, concerns, and/or expectations.  

Here’s what I learned:

A Toxic Bride

I’ve seen interaction between a bride and her fiancé or family members “strained” during the planning of a wedding. It’s not intentional, but a combination of trying to balance the tension that comes with everyday life with the stress of planning a wedding can at times feel overwhelming. It is during these stress-latent moments we often lash out at the people closest to us.  While initially they may “understand,” not managing this anxiety could eventually cause hurt feelings or create rifts that turn what should be a joyous occasion into a devastating loss of meaningful relationships.

Here are a few Do’s and Don’ts that you might want to consider leading up to your wedding:

Vow Like You Mean It

I always felt it was brave of couples to recite their own vows to each other during their wedding ceremony.  It’s nerve-racking enough to stand before a crowd of folks with all eyes on you; but to also share very personal thoughts in front of others is courageous.

Vows are meant to be intimate commitments made to last a lifetime. So, is there a right way or wrong way to do it?  Yes. Ultimately, the process gives way to a covenant that births a “marriage.”  Therefore if you chose to write your own vows, keep a few things in mind:

Your Wedding Program Needs a Script

The success of any special event really comes down to the “little details.”  Generally, the wedding day program gives an outline of events to take place during the ceremony (i.e., reading of a scripture, musical selection, or lighting of unity candle, etc.).  But behind those activities are details that should not be overlooked.

After you put together the information for your wedding day program, take time to write out a script with a specific timeline for each activity to breakdown task, supplies, and lead responsibilities. This should help ensure everyone involved is clear on what should take place and when. 

 

It doesn’t need to be a wordy document. The main goal is to highlight the details for action items; for example, one item on your program might be “Reading of New Testament Scripture by Jane Doe.”  In your script, you should include: 

The “Beauty” of Beauty for Brides

Even from my high school days, I aspired to do something artistic with my life. One of my creative outlets was convincing my younger sister to let me do her hair and nails. Seeing the passion I had for glamour (or just being too young to know any better), she willingly agreed and benefited from my “free” services. Exhilarated by the experience, I decided to join the high school cosmetology program. To my surprise, the first day the teacher explained that each day we would be required to do one hour of Theory and two hours of Practical to earn credits towards a cosmetology license. What? I just wanted to learn how to do hair, nails, and make-up – what was with this “Theory?”

Theory was an hour of course work on the science behind cosmetology. Although reluctant at first, I eventually began to appreciate not just how to become a stylist, but also how to take care of hair, nails and skin. I learned so much about the layers of beauty that went beyond the latest hair style and eye shadow, but how the proper nutrients (or lack thereof) affect the “health” of your hair, nails, and skin.

For brides, it is important to keep in mind that you have to take care of yourself from the inside out to really reflect that bridal glow on your wedding day. How? I would encourage you to make a part of your bridal routine regular spa treatments. Wait – I know you’re probably thinking that seems like an unnecessary expense, especially given the overall cost of a wedding or a luxury you can do without. But whether you have a “spa day” at home or visit a professional location, think about the overall benefits:

Your Invitation “Smells”

Often, you hear people are moved by their senses. Generally, the technique of invoking an emotion from one of the five senses requires artistry.  When done correctly, a delightful, lasting impression can be generated - an impression that at the sound, sight, touch, taste, or smell, moves you.

With a little creativity, you can use certain senses to make a statement and express your unique style long before the actual wedding day.  For example, when you think about the colors for your wedding and how you plan to incorporate them, also consider correlating them with a specific smell that adds an inviting, warming “touch.”  A good place to start is with your invitations.

Go beyond the basic color scheme and elevate your invitations by adding a fragrance to them.  

“The Love Language” between Wedding Planner and Bride

Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known pastor and marriage counselor, wrote a book entitled “The 5 Love Languages.” This New York Times best seller reveals his philosophy that we all have “a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.” By learning your love language, you can improve communication with your mate because you now know how to return love in a way that is meaningful to the other person. Basically, you are communicating in a way that matters! That got me to thinking…this could be very USEFUL in the “relationship” between a wedding planner and bride.

One of the things I have learned over the years as a special event planner is communication between the client and the planner is the key to not just a good event, but also a good experience. I’ve seen some specular events, but the experience getting there was brutal. No planner (no established, professional planner) wants their event to be riddled with problems or stress because of miscommunication. Our greatest pleasure is producing a specular event where everybody is excited, happy, and completely THRILLED.  After months of planning, that’s the reward! That is what makes us want to do it all over again for the next client.

So, here are a few tips for both planner and bride that might help with communication:

"Cutting" the Cake

A couple of years ago, a Bride wouldn't tarry over a decision to spend money on making her wedding day a living fairy tale. BUT, times have changed, so we have to change. It's no longer feasible to plan your wedding day without scrutinizing each line item of your budget. Therefore when faced with some tough economic decisions, what gets cut?

Thinking Outside the Box for Gifts

I was reading an article not too long ago about bridal party gifts. The bride asked the editor of this magazine if it was necessary to buy gifts, and if so, how much should she spend on them? The editor replied that giving gifts to the bridal party was considered proper etiquette and she should spend $25 to $50 on each person.

I agree that bridal party gifts are necessary; after all, these people are supposed to be your closest and dearest friends. But, I also think you can play around with the budget for gifts to make them special but cost effective. I often tell people I have "Champagne taste but a Beer budget." So, my goal is to always find nice, quality things but below cost. It can be done, if you are willing to "think outside the box."

For bridal party gifts, consider doing your own gifts bags. Okay, I know what you're thinking...you don't have time for this in the middle of planning your wedding. But if you take one afternoon to complete the following exercise, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the outcome:

From Laughter to Tears

Wedding Bling - Tasteful or Tacky

A Bride’s Worst Nightmare: Planning Her Dream Wedding